idea that needs feedback

[michaelvorhees666]

hey all,

I have a neat idea for a movie that I might film, but I just need more stuff to happen in it. Feedback is much appreciated.

Logline - Two girls are home alone when the telltale signs of a serial killer begin to surface.

Basically the whole movie surrounds the two girls and their attempts to escape the serial killer. The movie will happen in broad daylight, allowing the serial killer to see the girls if they try to leave. The movie will happen in real-time and will involve the serial killer trying to get in and the girls trying to get out.

I have a basic outline done, but I think it's going to be too short when I write it. If you have any ideas on suspenseful scenes inside the house or just more stuff that could happen in it, let me know.

Thanks,
Sam

[armagecko]

Just some ideas to get your mind working, Sam... Obviously, this story takes place in a secluded location, right? Winter cabin, houseboat, fire tower, lakehouse, etc. (fewer witnesses and increased tension and dread). Maybe all of the above.

Appearance of a friend, ski pro, caretaker, park ranger, dock worker, etc. Maybe he arrives as the "savior" but he is quickly killed (or disappears, if you want to arouse suspicion.)

Two-story houses make for better suspense. (Always run up.) Or maybe the house has a basement. Or, instead, a hidden cellar that the girls don't know about, but the killer does.

Are the girls staying in the killer's lair? Do they find his room? And discover his motive and/or identity?

Is there any internal conflict between the two girls? There should be. Maybe they were both secretly dating the "friend" that gets killed...

If the action finds the girls hiding in one room with the door and windows barracaded, they could try to dig through the floor or another interior wall to escape. Or they could try to booby-trap the doorways or windows to throw the killer off-balance. (A bit of "Home Alone" action.)

If you've got the basic outline, the next trick is to complicate things for your heroines. Put your girls in danger and then figure out ways for them to escape. Make sure that each situation is progressively more deadly and each escape more suspenseful than the last one.

Also, make your girls smart. Audiences like smart heroes. Hope this helps!

[michaelvorhees666]

Thanks for the feedback. Basically what i want is a movie as straightforward as possible that happens in real-time, so basically the girls are in one of their houses and the serial killer that's been in the area. Basically I want it to build from small minor signs, to the killer actually getting in. If you have any more ideas, they're welcome!

PS - I like the firetower idea, very original!

[CrawlingKaos]

Don't really have any ideas to add, but I think it's a really great idea to stage everything in daylight.

[Drifter]

I personally think it would be better to film it at night. As I see it, the element of a killer out there somewhere in the darkness would make the girls feel more "trapped" in the house, because they don't know where the killer is, out there.

I think you have tons of potential for a slow and suspenseful "battle of nerves," where the killer does little things to mess with their minds, keeping them guessing. At first, the girls might think it is a joke, but things steadily go from bad to worse.

Some ideas for suspenseful elements:

The streetlamp or front porch light goes out, just as one girl tries to reassure the other that nothing is wrong.

The girls suddenly see a videotape of themselves, a montage that must have been taken over the past week, appear on the television screen, and realize that the killer has been stalking them for a long time!

One of the girls goes into a room and finds that someone has dumped all the water out of the fishbowl, and he just did it, because the fish is still alive and "gasping"!

The phone goes dead every time they try to call for help, but then it rings, with a sinister, threatening voice on the other end (don't get to "Scream"-ish with that one, though).

Anyway, I hope these help. Good luck!

[michaelvorhees666]

great ideas, thanks for the feedback!! another little thing - the killer uses a crossbow to kill. i hate happy endings, so i kind of want both girls to die, but i don't know a dramtic way to do it. any ideas?

[AJ]

If you want a dramatic ending, you have to avoid telegraphing it at all costs, make sure the audience does not see it about to happen. Make their demise sudden and final, leave no ambiguity, otherwise the audience may think it is a ruse to avoid the killer.

If he is going to kill them with a crossbow, perhaps it happens as the cops are leading them away from the house, thus underlining the traditional impotence of the authorities in slasher films.

[michaelvorhees666]

thanks AJ!! great idea for a good ending.

[hivesaac]

"The girls suddenly see a videotape of themselves, a montage that must have been taken over the past week, appear on the television screen, and realize that the killer has been stalking them for a long time!" <--- really really good fucking idea, that is perfect

daylight would be good simply because i've never seen a film like this done in daylight....

i'd put the killer on the roof, so that he can shoot them if htey leave... and its important to make sure that the girls do somethign to realize that they can't leave, that they are being watched... because thats bascially teh point of the daylight, isn't it? you could start out with three people and one of them gets killed as they try to leave the house becausethey think it is a prank and they want to see whos playing it on them.. and that persons sh*t totally gets ruined by the crossbow fiend on the roof..

one possibility would be two killers... that could add a ton of new elements to the story... two twisted cult members, or a deranged father and his equally insane son.. that way you could have one sniping on the roof, one in the house....