Post by bizzarro on Jun 3, 2003 7:43:34 GMT -5
Hey guys and ghouls! The Low-Budget Boys have discovered yet another horror film festival and are, of course, posting their "cut-throat" review for your viewing pleasure.
This time, the festival was in Chicago. The "Windy City" must have gotten its nickname from all of the "hot air" floating around in it. This festival wasn't much of a festival at all! Get this - there wasn't even a #$%@ party! How can you be festive if you don't have a party? When they heard this, the Low-Budget Boys threatened to trash the place, but unfortunately they never got the chance (Details below) Anyway...The venue for this first annual dud was the 3 Penny Cinema on N. Lincoln Ave. For the uninitiated, it's a small and grungy old theatre, but at least it has character and (Aha!) a wet bar. The "festivities" got underway (fifteen minutes late, of course) with about 35 people present. 20 films were scheduled, of which only 15 showed due to "technical difficulties." The films were as follows:
The Attack 2 - 4 minutes - dir. Lincoln Kupchak
"An unstoppable psychopathic killer stalks a young woman." This short had no dialogue and was more of a "happening" than a story. The acting was FUNNY, and like most of the "horror" films shown here, received lots of laughter. There was a nice decapitation, but the lighting was too dark. Rating = 1 Star. (Out of 5.)
The Attack 3 - 10 minutes - dir. Lincoln Kupchak
"An unstoppable pschopathic killer stalks a young woman and her friends." Part 2? Is this the Scary Movie franchise? I wish! Slightly better and longer version of Attack 2 with CGI effects this time, including a decap, gunfire, and a nice head explosion. A good score and somewhat good acting, but it failed to impress the ever-watchful Low-Budget Boys and their Vampy Female Friends. Might've made a good fan film, though. Rating = 2.5 Stars.
Black - 7 minutes - dir. Jake Kennedy
"Jack returns from his son's funeral torn by guilt believeing her (?) could have done more. That night he wakes up having a bad premonition that something terrible has happened." Besides having a *#$&-ed up logline description, this Aussie flick had a few other problems. The story was actually pretty good, but the ending was very much a cliche. John Knowles who "appeared" in LOTR "The Two Towers" plays the father. Rating = 2 Stars.
The Ghost Catcher - 32 minutes - dir. Bob Beideman
"A story-telling spectre emerges from a young boy's closet to share a family orientated, comedic, ghostly bedtime tale of a young barber who encounters some malevolent spirits." This one was actually meant to be sort of funny. Made in 1996 (so you wonder why it's being shown in a 2003 festival), this tale is a period drama featuring clever costuming and mostly well-chosen locations to give the appearance of the period. The director obviously knows how to tell a story and the make-up was appropriate for this "family" flick. Good score and humorous atmosphere. Rating = 4 Stars.
Nightmare on Castro Street - 20 minutes - dir. Joshua Grannell
"There's a nightmare on Castro Street where gay no longer means happy. Peaches Christ thought she was doing right by forcing her drunken gal pal, Squeaky Blonde, into rehab. When a sober Squeaky returns to Castro Street, old ghosts prove powerful and a terrifying relapse leads to a monstrous transformation!" Hitchc*ck in drag? Not quite. A sloppy beginning, but some real nice moments of tension later. Some good and sometimes scary (how 'bout that! At a horror fest!) visuals. If you don't instinctively laugh at a guy dressed as a girl, this one ain't for you. Rating = 3.5 Stars.
The Underdogs - 22 minutes - dir. Jim Mickle
"A graveyard shift mailman is trapped in a small town where the dogs are not what they seem." This one was shown in (gasp) widescreen! The cinematography was the most professional by far. This flick obviously had a budget. Good atmosphere and visuals with an effective score. Could've used some re-writing in the script to clarify the characters. Debbie Rochon appeared as a bartender, but was wasted as a character and was non-essential to the plot. This was the one flick that deserved to be in a festival. Rating = 4 Stars.
The Birthday Party - 14 minutes - Lincoln Kupchak
"A young woman's 21st birthday party turns into a bloodbath when the guests start getting chopped up." By far the better film from Kupchak. Makes you wonder why he even let them show his other two. SCREAM-like story featured improved camera work and acting. Nice ending. Rating = 3 Stars.
Black Velvet Band - 35 minutes - Bob Beiderman
"In this family-orientated horror story, spun by our favorite storyteller, Carpathian, a mysterious young girl with a dear secret falls in love with a stranger to town." Beiderman must read a lot of fairy tales. This one, made in 1997 (so you again wonder, what's it doing here?), features the same design as the previous "Ghost Catcher." However, the audio mix was horrible. The sounds of crickets and birds often drowned out the actors. Plus, the editor needs to learn how to fade audio for transitions. This combined with a ridiculous blue-screen effect for a talking head, made this one worse than his first flick. Rating = 2 Stars.
Medication - 19 minutes - dir. Michael Trentascosti
"A mysterious man follows a young couple as they take a drive out into the woods." Story was interesting and had a clever twist, but some of the visuals caused several eruptions of laughter from the audience (who were by this point very drunk). Rating = 3 Stars.
This is where the Low-Budget Boys and their Vampy Female Friends decided to find a real PARTY. The sound in the theatre was so loud that the audience would scream in pain whenever an on-camera telephone would ring. The festival was plagued by terrible sound throughout the event. The directors blamed this on a faulty battery that needed to be replaced. My advice: Replace it BEFORE the festival! Or at least carry a backup, guys. Unfortunately, we missed the remaining films, Apartment 20, High School Break-Up, The Forgotten One, Meat, Grave Intentions, Transformation Mirrors, and The Last Witch. If these flicks were anything like the first ten, we should have left sooner! Very few of the films were scary at all. It would have been more appropriately named the Chicago Funny Film Festival. Final thoughts: Don't hold a festival until you're a Grown-Up (Students and Wannabe's, listen up!) and make sure you're prepared! Much love and blood!
Bizzarro
This time, the festival was in Chicago. The "Windy City" must have gotten its nickname from all of the "hot air" floating around in it. This festival wasn't much of a festival at all! Get this - there wasn't even a #$%@ party! How can you be festive if you don't have a party? When they heard this, the Low-Budget Boys threatened to trash the place, but unfortunately they never got the chance (Details below) Anyway...The venue for this first annual dud was the 3 Penny Cinema on N. Lincoln Ave. For the uninitiated, it's a small and grungy old theatre, but at least it has character and (Aha!) a wet bar. The "festivities" got underway (fifteen minutes late, of course) with about 35 people present. 20 films were scheduled, of which only 15 showed due to "technical difficulties." The films were as follows:
The Attack 2 - 4 minutes - dir. Lincoln Kupchak
"An unstoppable psychopathic killer stalks a young woman." This short had no dialogue and was more of a "happening" than a story. The acting was FUNNY, and like most of the "horror" films shown here, received lots of laughter. There was a nice decapitation, but the lighting was too dark. Rating = 1 Star. (Out of 5.)
The Attack 3 - 10 minutes - dir. Lincoln Kupchak
"An unstoppable pschopathic killer stalks a young woman and her friends." Part 2? Is this the Scary Movie franchise? I wish! Slightly better and longer version of Attack 2 with CGI effects this time, including a decap, gunfire, and a nice head explosion. A good score and somewhat good acting, but it failed to impress the ever-watchful Low-Budget Boys and their Vampy Female Friends. Might've made a good fan film, though. Rating = 2.5 Stars.
Black - 7 minutes - dir. Jake Kennedy
"Jack returns from his son's funeral torn by guilt believeing her (?) could have done more. That night he wakes up having a bad premonition that something terrible has happened." Besides having a *#$&-ed up logline description, this Aussie flick had a few other problems. The story was actually pretty good, but the ending was very much a cliche. John Knowles who "appeared" in LOTR "The Two Towers" plays the father. Rating = 2 Stars.
The Ghost Catcher - 32 minutes - dir. Bob Beideman
"A story-telling spectre emerges from a young boy's closet to share a family orientated, comedic, ghostly bedtime tale of a young barber who encounters some malevolent spirits." This one was actually meant to be sort of funny. Made in 1996 (so you wonder why it's being shown in a 2003 festival), this tale is a period drama featuring clever costuming and mostly well-chosen locations to give the appearance of the period. The director obviously knows how to tell a story and the make-up was appropriate for this "family" flick. Good score and humorous atmosphere. Rating = 4 Stars.
Nightmare on Castro Street - 20 minutes - dir. Joshua Grannell
"There's a nightmare on Castro Street where gay no longer means happy. Peaches Christ thought she was doing right by forcing her drunken gal pal, Squeaky Blonde, into rehab. When a sober Squeaky returns to Castro Street, old ghosts prove powerful and a terrifying relapse leads to a monstrous transformation!" Hitchc*ck in drag? Not quite. A sloppy beginning, but some real nice moments of tension later. Some good and sometimes scary (how 'bout that! At a horror fest!) visuals. If you don't instinctively laugh at a guy dressed as a girl, this one ain't for you. Rating = 3.5 Stars.
The Underdogs - 22 minutes - dir. Jim Mickle
"A graveyard shift mailman is trapped in a small town where the dogs are not what they seem." This one was shown in (gasp) widescreen! The cinematography was the most professional by far. This flick obviously had a budget. Good atmosphere and visuals with an effective score. Could've used some re-writing in the script to clarify the characters. Debbie Rochon appeared as a bartender, but was wasted as a character and was non-essential to the plot. This was the one flick that deserved to be in a festival. Rating = 4 Stars.
The Birthday Party - 14 minutes - Lincoln Kupchak
"A young woman's 21st birthday party turns into a bloodbath when the guests start getting chopped up." By far the better film from Kupchak. Makes you wonder why he even let them show his other two. SCREAM-like story featured improved camera work and acting. Nice ending. Rating = 3 Stars.
Black Velvet Band - 35 minutes - Bob Beiderman
"In this family-orientated horror story, spun by our favorite storyteller, Carpathian, a mysterious young girl with a dear secret falls in love with a stranger to town." Beiderman must read a lot of fairy tales. This one, made in 1997 (so you again wonder, what's it doing here?), features the same design as the previous "Ghost Catcher." However, the audio mix was horrible. The sounds of crickets and birds often drowned out the actors. Plus, the editor needs to learn how to fade audio for transitions. This combined with a ridiculous blue-screen effect for a talking head, made this one worse than his first flick. Rating = 2 Stars.
Medication - 19 minutes - dir. Michael Trentascosti
"A mysterious man follows a young couple as they take a drive out into the woods." Story was interesting and had a clever twist, but some of the visuals caused several eruptions of laughter from the audience (who were by this point very drunk). Rating = 3 Stars.
This is where the Low-Budget Boys and their Vampy Female Friends decided to find a real PARTY. The sound in the theatre was so loud that the audience would scream in pain whenever an on-camera telephone would ring. The festival was plagued by terrible sound throughout the event. The directors blamed this on a faulty battery that needed to be replaced. My advice: Replace it BEFORE the festival! Or at least carry a backup, guys. Unfortunately, we missed the remaining films, Apartment 20, High School Break-Up, The Forgotten One, Meat, Grave Intentions, Transformation Mirrors, and The Last Witch. If these flicks were anything like the first ten, we should have left sooner! Very few of the films were scary at all. It would have been more appropriately named the Chicago Funny Film Festival. Final thoughts: Don't hold a festival until you're a Grown-Up (Students and Wannabe's, listen up!) and make sure you're prepared! Much love and blood!
Bizzarro
